Childcare and caring for elderly/infirm people isn't shit work, except where there's actual shit involved, which for babies/toddlers and infirm people there definitely is, but the value of that work is so, so meaningful and so truly undervalued in our culture. And, in most cultures, it is the women who deal with shit. Literally.

And men who deal with shit get paid a lot more than women who do. I have a friend who is a plumber and is regularly up to his elbows in human excrement, but you should see his house. It's huge. It's gorgeous. His pool has lights that change colors. He has a plasma TV on his living room wall.

Sophia

Annette

Heart

So right. It's because this society is all about male values and those that get paid the highest are those people and services men value the most.

I have a good friend who worked for many years as a CNA in nursing homes. She loved the work and she took so many pains to bring comfort and care and a sense of humanity into her residents' lives. She would bring in her own moisturizer, for example, because the stuff provided was of poor quality, and she would gently massage her residents' aging, paper thin skin with lotions. For those who had no clothing except pajamas, she would go to Goodwill and buy some comfortable lounging clothes so they could get properly dressed to go to the dining area and social activities. She played music for them as they died and stayed with them and talked to them because many of them die alone. She would get infuriated if a coworker treated the residents with anything less than respect and dignity. She both loved and hated the work, but now that she is disabled and physically cannot do the work anymore, she misses it. She never got paid what her work was worth, far below in fact. In this type of work they require certifications and recertifications and taking classes and passing exams continually to keep one's skills updated and she was never compensated adequately for the study and education required for the job. She was rarely allowed days off, and could be fired on a moments notice. There's a HUGE turnover rate for these types of workers and the main reasons are overwork and underpaid. There is no "claim to fame" in this type of work and one is not compensated for going above and beyond the standard call of duty. There is no recognition, no bonuses, no status increase.

*sigh*

But you know what? She'd go back in a heartbeat today if she could. She loved making a difference in people's lives.

The values in this country are so screwed up.

Sophia

Care of elderly parents.... most often never valued and never paid.

"Shitwork" does just not describe.

I had a home health worker tell me the other day... "Don't worry, honey, you'll have a special crown in heaven for what you're doing."

TO ABSOLUTE HELL WITH THAT CROWN!! I want a LIFE here!!

~LearningOne

I don't do it for the money. I make enough money that we can do the extra stuff...eat out occassionally, don't have to worry at Christmas time about how we will buy gifts, etc. Since that is my situation I can say, "hey today is off of the books" whenever I want to or see he need. But to make a difference in another's life, as you decribed Sophia, to humanize the aged and dying, by giving those massages with good quality lotions and oils, by dressing them and doing their hair, by making sure their feet are cared for and their hands are in good shape, that they are clean, and helping them to feel good and to leave this earth with dignity....there is no price you could be paid that would be worth what you are giving or what you are *receiving.* I do receive *SO MUCH* from my work and yeah, I can understand your friend being ready to go back in a heartbeat if she could.

I currently have a woman that I care for who is a Holocaust survivor. It has been a privledge, I can tell you that.

Annette

Annette

Now excuse me while I go throw up. I'll be back when I'm finished with a crowbar to see if I can't pry your lips from men's asses.

Are you even aware of how sexist and biased your post was?

--------------------

Do the daughters amaze you just as much?

I have seen grown men handle their mother's most personal matters, out of necessity. But so gently and carefully.

Because men aren't supposed to be honoring and gentle with their mothers?

I have seen them totally honor their mothers and really have been brought to tears.

Does it make you cry to see women do the same thing?

These are lawyers, horse tamers, construction workers, CPA's... everyday men who have big giant lives during the day who are humbled and do what they need to do.

And many more women with mountains of responsibilities are humbled and do what they need to do for their aging parents. And yet, these men, because they seem to be an anomoly, are granted an extra measure of kudos and heartfelt appreciation for doing that which women do every day without any recognition at all.

So not all men are callous, arrogant assholes. Some do as any daughter would do and care for their loved ones.

Sure they do. And they should. Who has exempted them? And who has made it so that when women do this work they are not lauded and praised and commended?

Why is it that my friend of whom I spoke above, when her parents fell ill she rushed to their sides and put all she used to get paid to do into practice and her brother could not be found hide nor hair of? Then, when, after the most grueling shitwork had been done, brother miraculously reappears to "help out." How is it that she hears all kinds of commendation from her parents for her brother's "help" while her day in-day out care of them, of wiping their asses and cleaning their vomit and brushing their hair and their teeth goes unsung?

Your post was a shining example of exactly WHY this work goes unnoticed when women do it and highly praised when men do it.

~Sophia

My other point was exactly what Sophia shared. Usually there are those in a family and usually it is the men, who do *not* share in the care of their families. But its not always the case. Some men do rise to the occassion. In my own Pollanna mentality, my own very simple minded way, :-0 I was trying to show that not all men are bad. Not all men disappear when needed. Just as not all women jump in with both feet to help out in a family. I can tell stories of women who have disaappeared too when in need. Too busy to help out because they had a trip to Greece scheduled and its too damn bad that her mother found out she had lung cancer at such an inconvenient time. Or they refuse to help with personal care because they "just can't stomach it." I have made it no secret that I hold to the belief that there is good and bad in both men and women. Men don't hold the exclusive rights to evil, selfish behavior. I don't view myself as an ass-kisser of men, or one who propogates men's already at times inflated egos....I few myself as fair.
And for what its worth Sophia, YES women have brought me to tears also. Many times. Probably more than the times I have cried watching men. Does that make you feel better?

Annette